Pearls of Wisdom

The following slogans and says have helped many of us understand and/or cope with our situation. Along with any personal comments

The Three Cs

You Didn't Cause It

You Can't Cure It

You Can't Control It

I've always had a fondness for this slogan, probably because it was the first thing I took away from my first Sunday meeting at Birdsgrove House.

I like its simplicity, especially compared to the 12 steps. It tells me to stop blaming myself for my partner's actions and that I am unable to do anything stop her drinking.

It provided an easy to recognise starting point for me to start dealing with my partners disease, three concrete points to grasp in the whirlwind that was my life at the time.

(Barney, partner of an alcoholic who was in treatment at Birdsgrove House, spring 2004)

Forgiving is not forgetting, it's letting go of the hurt

Reading this marked a turning point in my journey of recovery. I had been left angry and hurt and could not forget what had happened. The trouble was the feelings and the experience were inextricably tied up, leaving me caught up in a vicious circle where I continued to hurt myself and my relationship with my husband. I truly believed that the only way I could forgive my husband was to forget what had happened and how I had felt.

Somehow these simple words of wisdom came at the right moment, allowing me to separate the memories of the events from the feelings. They made such good sense.

I began to accept that the experiences were a part of my story and in doing so for the first time ever I felt the feelings were no longer so overwhelming. I did not have to dwell on the pain any more nor did I have to deny my experience and feelings.

Marie from Courage to Change