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When a member of any group has an addiction problem, be it alcohol or other drugs, it causes problems within that group. This is especially true when that group is the family unit with its close emotional ties and intricate dynamics.
The state of addiction is one of self-absorption and withdrawal. The most important thing in life for an addict is the next fix, so they withdraw from relationships and become more secretive, losing touch with reality.
The reaction of family members to this behaviour often provides the excuse for the addict to retreat further into their own world. As the situation deteriorates the drug dependency damages both physical and mental health. Within the family this can lead to abuse of many kinds and physical violence may be directed towards partners and children. In this way the problem of addiction extends beyond the addict to profoundly affect the life of every other family member.
It is at this point that the partner of an addict may find the situation intolerable and break up the partnership. Many partners, however, remain for long periods of time in such destructive relationships, suffering great emotional stress and anxiety and in some cases living in fear of physical abuse.
Many families in this situation cope by trying to pretend the problem doesn't exist. Eventually the whole family life revolves around addiction; the addict who is dependent on alcohol or a substance and the rest of the family who are locked in the cycle of maintaining a sort of status quo, which is often both precarious and unhappy.
Why is it that people will remain in these damaging relationships? People who choose addicts or potential addicts as partners may have been ‘pre-conditioned’ to do so by the circumstances of their earlier family lives. They may or may not be aware of this but, in some way, the situation is therefore a familiar one to them, which may make them more accepting of anti-social behaviour. For others, they cannot understand why after a happy, normal childhood they then find themselves in a damaging relationship at the heart of which lies addiction. Some choose to stay and some leave.
So on the one side there is the addict and on the other side there is the family, subjugating themselves to the addict's desires or needs. This is why the problem of addiction involves not only the addict, but family members as well. Close friends who are susceptible can also become involved in these unhealthy relationships.
If the addict seeks help to overcome their addiction, it is often not appreciated by the other family members that this is by no means the end of the problem.
The families of many addicts are surprised and disappointed to find that in the early days of recovery the situation can be just as difficult. They will have spent years thinking, ‘If only he/she will give up drinking/taking drugs, everything will be all right’, but recovery from addiction is necessarily a self-centred process. It requires inward reflection and a certain level of self-absorption which can be just as hurtful to the family, as this behaviour often mirrors the original addictive withdrawal.
Recovery is a slow and ongoing process. The primary problem in addiction is often the inability of the addict to form meaningful and sustaining relationships. True recovery necessarily involves a re-learning of how to relate to other people. In the same way, the recovering addict's family must also learn to recognise their role in the dynamics of the relationship and seek to change their behaviour.
It cannot be denied that addiction tends to ‘run in families’. Whether this is due to genetics or learned behaviour is still a matter of debate; it is most likely a combination of the two. The children of addicts are certainly at high risk of becoming addicts or the partners (co-dependents) of addicts.
What follows on from this is that the successful treatment of addiction requires not only the treatment of the addict, but also the treatment of the family. This is the only way to safeguard the mental health of all concerned and, hopefully, lead to an improvement in future outcomes.
Whilst many family members, but not all, come into recovery in order to support the addicted family member into recovery, they soon hear from others that the key to recovery is to look after themselves first. This gives the addict and the family member the space to each take responsibility for their own journey and helps to break the cycle of co-dependency.
Doctors and dentists and their families have particular problems with regard to addiction and to confidentiality. As health professionals they have a unique position with regard to the procurement of drugs and it has to be said that the culture of medical schools (as in other academic institutions) is one which encourages heavy consumption of alcohol.
The consequences for a doctor or dentist who is found to have procured drugs illegally or to have caused damage to a patient whilst under the influence of alcohol or drugs are catastrophic, not only to themselves, but also to their family.
This places particular pressures on the partners of addicted doctors or dentists. In addition to having to cope with the situation at home and the constant anxiety that some harm may come to an innocent person because of their partner's behaviour, they are at a loss to know who they can turn to for help.
Many people in this situation might go and see their GP for advice, but in many cases the GP is a colleague, so how can such dark secrets be revealed? The partners also feel that they cannot attend any group such as Al-Anon or ADFAM because the doctors' and dentists' families will often be known in the community and they might come across patients who could possibly, despite the confidentiality rule, reveal their situation.
There is the additional problem that doctors' and dentists' families are often living away from their extended families and may also be lacking long-term friends because of the particular life-style associated with these professions. The multiple, often arbitrary, moves to different locations during the first years of practice make it difficult to make proper friendships among the constantly shifting groups of people, thereby increasing the feeling of isolation.
It was for these reasons that the British Doctors and Dentists Group (BDDG) and the British Doctors and Dentists Family Group were formed.
The Family Group is seen as performing just as important a function as the Doctors and Dentists Group itself and has provided invaluable support for relatives and partners of addicted doctors and dentists.
Doctors and dentists are often accused of forming elitist and exclusive societies, but these groups, although their membership is exclusive, do perform a necessary and valuable function. They have been of great benefit to many of their members.
Many of the members of these groups also attend AA, Al-Anon or Family Anonymous Groups, having gained the confidence to do so by attending the Doctors and Dentists groups. The Families Group also provides support for those whose partners or friends are still addicted or who are learning to live with the damage of an addictive relationship which has broken up.
There are self-help groups for the families of addicts. For alcohol addiction: - Al-Anon, Al-Ateen, Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous (ACA). Families Anonymous (FA) and ADFAM support families of drug users.
There are also self-help groups for the treatment of addiction: - Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA) and Cocaine Anonymous (CA) are highly successful.
All of these groups provide a refuge where members can share their experience, strength, fears and hope with others in similar circumstances. They find that they are no longer isolated and receive invaluable help and support in a non-judgemental atmosphere with strict confidentiality.
Some individual members of families have also found personal one-to-one therapy or counselling very helpful. Such therapy can be used alongside group meetings and workshops. The BDDG Families Group has contact details for counsellors and therapists who have experience working with addiction.
For further information on these groups, go to Find Out More.
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